Many psychologists would agree that the number one predictor of psychological well-being over the course of one’s life is the strength of one’s close social network. Coincidentally, many hipsters, geeks, and fraternity brothers would agree that the number one predictor of total LOLitude / fistbumps over the course of one’s sweet party is the snarkiness of one’s tee shirt. Luckily, I predicted this trend and snagged a D.A.R.E shirt back in 1993, beating the crowd which now has to wear the shitty reproductions that are easily spotted by their use of too thin of a font*. My ironic tee is totally legit, though I only really enjoy wearing it when I’m carrying a pack of cigarettes and a gun. For obvious reasons, this limits my ability to wear it to every day of the week.

*boo yah, fontspot. I suck at life for knowing this.